Change of perspective

(Arthur has been promising and promising and promising a post, but failing, so I'm here retroactively filling in the gaps again.)

I've found that while going to UUAA regularly hasn't changed my beliefs - I still believe/disbelieve the same things as before we started attending - it has made me more reflective about certain things. And it has also reframed some perspectives.

This was made evident by an encounter I had earlier today.

I've spent the better part of today chasing around town looking for jelly babies. One of those stops was a candy shop across the street from the British-friendly grocery. (I WILL NOT BUY VEGEMITE FOR A DOCTOR WHO PARTY.)

As I got there, a woman was turning the sign to "open" - which confused me for a moment, because the store had opened over an hour prior. Turns out that she's just a friend of the owner, who had just stepped out for an errand and asked her to watch the place (and had turned the sign to "closed" when she stepped out).

She asked what jelly babies were, we got into a conversation about old PBS shows (the only source for British shows when I was a child), and then classic comedy. And we were chatting while I browsed, but the conversation was taking up a lot more time than I had since I still had items to track down so I was starting to get antsy, but just before I left she thanked me. She'd been having a rough time and had stopped in at the store to vent and cry at her friend so they could pray together. She'd had the chance to cry and vent, but they were going to pray when her friend got back. And our conversation made her laugh and feel good for a little bit, and she really needed that. So thank you.

I stopped and took the time to laugh and chat with someone who really really needed it at the moment, even though I had other places to be. And I was rewarded with an unexpected thank you and the realization that I had helped someone. 

And this is the sort of moment that just happens in life - like it always has. The difference to me, now, is that being around a religious community, I'm more reflective and sometimes the spiritual framing slips in without my realizing it. My being there was what this woman needed. It was my equivalent of praying with her and helping her feel better. There was no actual prayer, no Jesus, no solemn, intimate moment of silence. But it was a moment where our shared laughter was healing for her and that was a religious act. Part of the "inter-connected web" that UUs talk about.

Yeah, that sort of thinking is new to me.

A taste of what we've been up to

We've been here long enough to have a semblance of a life now, and the biggest obstacle is Arthur having too much homework to be sociable. But! for those curious at home, here's a sampling of our current lives.

• We went to the local food festival again. We didn't get any auction items this time, but we did run into a variety of Northwood folks, and that was fun. Very different from last year when we knew NO ONE. Arthur was sampling the raw garlics. So I know he's not a vampire.
  
• The garden continues. The lettuce and peas are in their second plantings. The cucumbers up and died during a dry spell, which is very sad. The chillies continue to outpace me, but! tonight I wandered outside and started handing them out to neighbors, and conveniently one of them had just been given a bunch of tomatillos by a neighbor and was on his way to the store to buy hot peppers. WELL, I thought. I can take care of that! So I went to the garden and picked him a whole bunch more. Now maybe the peppers are possibly manageable. Maybe. In the meantime, I enjoy these little Northwood moments. I really wish there was some sort of semi-formal garden produce swap. I have too many jalapeños, you have too many tomatillos... well, let's share and wind up with a mountain of salsa verde!
  
• Checking out local parks. Most of them are along the river. One of them even has *gasp* "bluffs" that can almost be seen as real bluffs! It was wonderful. We've been slowly working through the parks that are a quick drive away and have a range of walking path lengths, so Arthur still has time for homework.
  
• Lots of volunteering. Habitat for Humanity (they really like Arthur who comes all pre-packaged with l33t skillz), Alpha House, trail maintenance, social media, bookstore table, rovering, and much more. If money weren't a problem, I could really enjoy volunteering all the time. I really need to win the lottery.
  
• Potlucks, potlucks, potlucks. I generally like potlucks. Potluck culture is a good thing. But sometimes three in a week is a bit overwhelming for my kitchen...
  
• Gaming! We've finally found a couple of outlets for gaming once or twice a month. (Arthur has even found fellow students who game, at last.) Trying not to buy any new games... And I'm playing bridge again.
  
• Assorted random things, like Art Fair (really that big!), the Ypsilanti Heritage Festival, Dancing in the Streets, Happy Hour (it's a *very* Happy Hour sort of town), Meetups, etc.
  

Of course, not everything's been fun and games. We're dealing with the disaster that is the health insurance market (it is not yet January 2014). And the car troubles. And other stuff.

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So we're finding stuff to do, and sometimes even people to go with. Often the biggest impediment is cashflow. Now we're really feeling like students!

Car culture driven home

When we moved here, we brought our car thinking it had about 2 years left in her. Which was all we needed.


Well, we've been here one year, and now we're not so sure. Twice we've broken down on a long road trip (although to be fair, the second time was something unrelated to the age of the car and could happen to a brand-spanking-new car) and needed a tow. And now the car has been in the shop twice in the past month (three times, actually, but the first two were related), seriously hampering our ability to get anywhere.


The first time was annoying. It wasn't anything major; it was a little bit of work (the normal, expected sort) that got drawn out because the parts were the wrong size. Which is only a problem because it wound up stretching out over the weekend. It's difficult to get places here without a car - especially on weekends. But we made it work. It was a minor inconvenience, but thankfully the one big thing we really really had to get done offered us a ride so we could make the deadline.


This week was a major inconvenience, however. AND purely a result of the age of the car - its insides are slowly rusting out. In this case, turns out the steering something or other had rusted through and sprung a leak and blah blah blah. And again, the estimate for being ready kept getting pushed later as they had trouble procuring the correct part (did I mention the car is old?).

Which left us with a dilemma on Friday afternoon.

Proof that we've learned our way around

Arthur's parents stayed with us for a few more days after we got back from Beaver Island. His mom's cousin R was with us for a couple of those nights, so we brought him to downtown Ann Arbor for a light stroll and a visit to the local beergarden. It was a lovely summer evening, so how better to finish off a trip than with a relaxing beverage amidst a cross-section of local residents?


Arthur also showed his parents around the SNRE building, where he'll be spending most of this next year. We brought them to Seva, which we'd wanted to do since our first meal there. Turns out it was a half-off wine night, so wine *and* vegan smoothies FTW! And there was swimming, and a trip to the library, and basically it was an excellent introduction to our daily lives here in Ann Arbor. We didn't have much of a routine yet last November (plus, so many things are closed that week), but now we know our way around better, and have places we want to bring them, and things to show them, and just a general comfort with our environs. It's always nice to be reminded of this - motss.con definitely helped in the same way.


And Wednesday night was a potluck at UUAA, with the theme "celebrate local." So we went to the farmer's market to pick up some vegetables for our items. Also, fruit for a pie. Because it's pie season. And Arthur wants pie. Because it's pie season. Becky made a pie and salad and I made a vegan shepherd's pie.


So we puttered around the kitchen, and Mike biked to the church several hours ahead of time so he could help with some of the trail maintenance Arthur has taken on. When we got there with the food later that afternoon, he'd finished the project we'd been chipping away at for weeks. I swear he's Superman in disguise! I'll just call him Clark Kent from now on. And the pie was a hit, so basically both in-laws were a hit and are welcome back to UUAA any time they wish :)


After the potluck was a tour of Farmer Bill's, which is where many of the UUAA people assist with farming for the Food Gatherers Project. It is amazing how much they're managing to grow there. It's a wonderful program. I love discovering these little pockets in Ann Arbor.


The house is oddly quiet now. It's back to just us. Which is familiar and relaxing, but also empty and sad.

Unexpected turns

After attending the local UU church since last fall, we officially pledged and joined last month. If you'd suggested a year ago that this would happen, we would have laughed at you. But we really, really like the community here. It's exactly what we were looking for. (And it helps that so much of the service and sermon focuses on building community, and what makes a community. Way better than hellfire, srsly.)


We flirted with it a few times before the move, but many UU churches in Boston are still fairly Christian. (We were shocked at how Christian the one up the street was, considering our neighborhood. So Arthur danced there regularly, but we didn't care for the services.) And while we were really interested in the community that exists in these congregations, the religious aspects didn't do it for us. We're not Christian. (Although I do support those nice New Testament Christian values like helping the poor and sick, peace and forgiveness, etc. Or what's also known as "don't be a dick" in modern netspeak.)

Time spent with Rev. Carmen, however, is a reminder that not all UU churches are Christian (especially once you leave New England!). So after several years of "wouldn't it be nice to be around more UUs?" ('cause I mean we already knew a whole bunch ;), we took the plunge when we moved here.

This congregation seems to have a very humanist focus, and a group of people passionate about improving the world around them. That's perfect! The sermon topics are interesting, there are opportunities for reflection that we don't think to take on our own, the congregants are friendly, the building is beautiful, the ministers are great, and there are tons of activities to keep us occupied. (And it's becoming obvious that I spent way too much time around all you OD consultants at work, because I keep asking questions that I know darned well I only learned from y'all. %!^@$#^%!@$# systems thinking.)

It's also great to have a space that is very separate from campus.



Now that the semester is over, Arthur is getting involved with the Land Use Team - there are 40 acres behind the church in need of trail maintenance. And this is a really good opportunity for him to get out of his head and away from school regularly during the summer.

There's also Habitat for Humanity (they really appreciate Arthur and his l33t skillz), and volunteering at a local shelter, selling books after service, and a monthly gaming day... lots of activities that we like. I've been feeling too old and too young at the same time - especially in such a college town (last time I lived in a small college town, I was actually in college) - and these events and volunteer opportunities help us fit in.

We're finding other people who like to do the same things. Age matters less. (Although admittedly there are days I am the youngest person in a room, often by quite a lot. Which is preferable to going to a campus event and realizing not only am I significantly older than everyone else, but that most of them have never been out of school. They've only ever been students, straight from undergrad to graduate. And I've been out working in the real world for 17 years. I think that's the better way of looking at it. It's not age, but stage of life. I am at the stage of life where my peers have children. I do not have children, and am not going to have children. So I am too young and too old for this town at the same time.)

I enjoy the meditations. And the great topics that get discussed as a result of a sermon. And the many different walks of life that brought people to this congregation (often also from a non-religious adulthood). This is a community of people who choose to be here, and to make it what they want it to be.



So yes, writing this out helps me understand How We Got Here, while at the same time, I'm still not sure How We Got Here ;) We're not religious. But we love it here, and we're happy, and sometimes life laughs at you and you go with it.

Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way

Recently JP suggested I write about what I'm doing to relax amidst all the change and associated stress.

Short answer: lots of telly :)


Less embarrassing answer:

• I'm actually doing some contract work for my former employer. This may not sound relaxing on the surface, but it actually relieves stress in two ways. First, having a chunk of time that is set aside for familiar tasks is useful. It's been my routine for 5 1/2 years, so it helps to still have some continuity despite being somewhere very new.
  
  Second, it certainly relieves financial pressure and permits me to take my time looking for work. It was a rough year after the layoffs last fall, and having a bit of income means I can spend time relaxing and recuperating rather than rushing into a new job I'm too drained for without a real break. This has helped immensely - I am finally starting to feel like I've recovered enough to look with zeal.
  
  
• One of the first projects we embarked upon was restocking the freezer. We used to have a freezer full of homemade soups and stews, and while we started to eat a lot of it down before moving, we still had to leave the remainder behind. So we arrived here with an empty freezer. Bulk cooking time!
  
  Cooking is a admittedly less relaxing than I'm used to, primarily because the kitchen is smaller and adapting to a new space after 9 years in the same kitchen can be frustrating. Also, my sous chef is rarely available these days, and it takes an already partially-relaxed mood to get into the zen of large cooking projects on my own.
  
  But! Cooking large quantities of freezable nourishment = achievement unlocked. So far we've covered most of our favorite standbys (the ones it feels strange not to have kicking around buried under a bag of frozen peas somewhere). Chicken barley soup, potato leek soup, lasagna, vegetarian chili, quiche, lentil soup, split pea soup, mondo pile o' refried beans, and an Indian chicken stew. Next up is the Tuscan bean soup from Still Life with Menu that we love (we were struggling to find cannellini beans around here).
  
  Sadly, this freezer is smaller (and without a shelf) than the last one we had, so fitting everything is a challenge. But with an appetite like Arthur's, it's necessary to be able to pull out a meal ready to microwave.
  
  We've been trying to behave and stick to a student budget in general, so we're also making Pad Thai out of a box, and baking our own pies (and of course cookies), to save money. Those projects don't freeze well, though.
  
  
• I've also been knitting. It's a way of keeping busy and productive even while doing something mindless like watching t.v. I took a lace shawl class, and have just finished that project. Which means it's time to switch back to the sweater for Neffie that's almost done. (It requires way too much seaming, so I've been procrastinating.) And after that it's on to cute baby things, because y'all keep insisting on having cute babies :) (Thank you for so kindly keeping me occupied through my unemployment. I know you were only thinking of me.)
  
  
• One of the best means of ignoring stress is exploring my new environs. Finding the library, meandering through the paths here in the housing complex, taking pictures of everything for Neffie (it definitely cheers me up to see something and think "I have to send a picture!"), rare dinners out together, walking around the train station to figure out where the best place to pick up arriving relatives is, trying to imprint a mental map so that I can start driving places without relying on a fresh custom printout from Google maps every time... all just focusing on making this somewhere real, and fun. Regaining my independence so I feel like it's my home, too, even though I'm not a student here.
  
  
• Okay, this one was unexpected. And still rather unsettling - it's not how we think of ourselves. But we've started attending the local UU church (Unitarian Universalist), and it's exactly what we were looking for. Great community that shares our values, and wonderful opportunities to volunteer or otherwise make a difference.
  
  And it's worth including in this post. A few weeks ago, one of the ministers was expressing that the purpose of services is to a) touch your heart, b) make you think, and c) help you feel more centered. That particular service even included meditation. And after decades of feeling that "church" was anything but relaxing or even positive, it really has turned in to a regular opportunity to a) touch my heart, b) make me think, and c) help me feel more centered. It's a great cure for stress.
  
  
• Oh, and the foliage here does wonders. It's still too flat and I'm homesick, but the trees in their full autumnal glory makes everything a lot less alien here. Just walking around taking pictures of them, or reading under the trees, is very relaxing and smile-worthy.
  
  
• This blog helps, too. It's a way to keep in touch with people far away, and feel like we're still sharing life with folks. Facebook is useful, don't get me wrong, but this has more depth to it.

So that's a lot of what I do to relax. In addition, there's plenty here to keep me busy - settling in to a new house, opening new accounts with local institutions, being a good housewife (although I find it's quite refreshing to be able to do laundry whenever I want - laundry is definitely less of a chore now!), meeting new people... and let's not forget everyone's favorite: job seeking.

And the telly watching. Blame it on the Sunday night lineup. Once Upon a Time, Revenge, and The Good Wife, all on one night?!?