I was spoiled when I was younger, thinking highways all looked like the MassPike in Western Mass. Ha.
Usually I can’t stop the warm feeling I get whenever we hit the point on the turnpike when we leave the valley and start heading into the Berkshire Hills. I have no nostalgia for Pittsfield particularly. I cannot, however, shake the love I have for Western Mass. and Vermont. I'm a New Englander through and through. It’s something that 21 formative years have etched into my heart.
Today, though, I pass through the lush green hills with a sense of sadness. There’s no excitement because I’m off on a vacation and will soon see my beloved New England when I return; this is goodbye, who knows when I’ll see you again. I’m moving somewhere strange, and flat. I assume the leaves change colors in Michigan, too. But will it match the splendor of Vermont in October?
Crikey, I’m sounding like a such a sap. But all but 3 of my 37 years have been spent here. There are only two autumns I have not seen my New England foliage. I love traveling, but *leaving* is different. Crossing out of Massachusetts starts to make it real. I’m LEAVING.
Most of me loves the challenge of starting over somewhere new, and meeting new people and exploring new places. But for this moment, I am going to succumb to the melodramatic part that will really miss what will always be home.
I'm finally reading your journal, starting at the beginning and working my way forward. This entry really hit me; it reminds me of the drive from Austin to Providence over a decade ago. Sure, I was probably happier to be leaving TX than you were at leaving New England, but even when you think you hate a place, it's still familiar, home. Until you have no home base there anymore, and you're setting off for the unknown.
ReplyDeleteI feel your sadness, and yet I'm excited for you at the same time. I know you wrote this two months ago (jeebus, time flies!) but there's something kind of magical about moving someplace totally new to you, where you are a blank canvas and mundane things take on exaggerated significance because they're different to you, where you are not bound by the expectations of others because there is no history there and you can be whoever you wish.
I hope you are enjoying that aspect of this move, the opportunity to peel back a few layers of yourself and learn a little more about who you are. A new environment interacts with you in unfamiliar ways, and shows you things that might have been hiding in plain sight before.